"you're not from around here, are you?" nearly every time i have left the house in the past two weeks, i've been asked that question. it's either because my clothes are different, my accent's different, or i just look totally lost - usually a combination of the three. life is so different here - i live in the middle of the prairie and my days are spent in the garden, picking apples, doing little odd jobs around the house. i see deer, frogs, and snakes in my backyard. i can't walk anywhere because there is nowhere to walk and i don't see one person or car from the porch of the house. i'm trying to adjust and give myself and those around me grace, but it's difficult. i don't want to be here, but i know i can't fight God - i'll lose. my heart is still very much in norway and it will probably remain that way for some time. but i'm doing my best to keep busy - trying to catch up with old friends and make new, volunteering at church. one little guy keeps me plenty busy:this is chris and he's 11. we meet every day for a couple hours and i help his with his homework. i'm brushing up on my 5th grade history and math. as you can see, it's never a dull moment with chris.
so, that's life for now. the wheel keeps turning...

less than 2 days left in norway. my mind is unable to grab hold of this thought. this place has been my home in every sense of the word these past 4 years. tomorrow i say the last goodbyes and head back to kansas. simply put, my goal these past weeks was to create memories. it started with the trip to moi, continued on to london this past weekend, and is still going strong with a goodbye party, worship together with the base, lovely dinners and coffee dates. tomorrow night i am going home with my roommate kristin, and it's off to oslo early saturday morning.
as for future plans - still undecided, but lots of travel (kansas, missouri, indiana, kentucky, oklahoma, colorado), a visit from friends from norway, and back to norway for a wedding in december. after that? we'll see.

memories abound...

this weekend i went to "kamerad og spelemann" - a music festival held at a window factory in an obscure town in the south of norway. some of my favorite bands were playing, including sufjan stevens. i saw him play in oslo a couple years ago and was moved to tears by the beauty and passion of the music and to see him again in norway was too good to be true. a drunk couple tried their best to ruin his set for me but when karen and i saw sufjan backstage after the festival, it seemed that the time of redemption had come. here's the play by play of what happened next:

me: should we ask him to sign something?
k: sure.
me: i don't even have a pen. are you sure we should do this? (panic setting in.)
k: yes. let's go!
(stand and wait for him to walk towards us. look nervously around, thinking "i'm so uncool!" sufjan begins walking and we approach)
k: hi. we were wondering if you could sign something for us (the only paper we had was the cover to someone else's cd).
s (we're friends now, so i call him "s"): sure. what am i actually signing?
k: blah, blah, blah.....
me: (i'm an idiot, i've forgotten how to speak english. for God's sake - just smile!)
(sufjan sets down his instruments, signs karen's paper, talks about norway, hiking, fishing, nervousness in playing. picks up his instruments and starts to leave!)
me: (still can't get any words to form. i am officially the dumb, silent friend! finally...) can you sign this too?
s: (looking into my eyes) sure! (signs)
me: thanks!

(end scene. beginning of mortifying regret.)

i was in london several years ago at the european premiere of leonardo dicaprio's "the aviator" and was being interviewed by E!News. they asked me my favorite "leo movie" and seriously, the only movie i could even remember was "what's eating gilbert grape." i believe they were looking for something more along the lines of "titanic," but i still stand firmly beside my decision.

all this to say... i don't think i have a future with anyone even remotely near celebrity.
sufjan, here's to a better second impression.

gasp, gulp, shock of all shocks! two posts in one week.
i had to share these pictures though.

this was the view from my bedroom window.

kristin notices the sky through the living room window.

she was a little scared.

she was okay though. but it seriously looked like the sky was falling.
i leave you with this (it might be months before i post again):

"it (practicing the presence of the kingdom) causes us to stop and listen, see, touch, taste, and feel. the kingdom is found in justice breaking in all around us, in beauty in the midst of the mess. the kingdom also calls us to be signposts along the road of life, pointing to the reality of heaven and our King. it calls us to hold a sign up among those who suffer. the kingdom shows up, and we stand in the midst of the their suffering with them and declare that they are loved." - rick mckinley

how horrible to be Christians who only love Christ, only to miss out on being passionate for Him and His kingdom here and now.

hello, blog world. it's been awhile. i lay in bed at nights, thinking of things i should write, what's happened in life, but when i wake up - i have absolutely no desire to write or share any of that. i don't think i'll bore you with details of what i've been reading (Jane Eyre and A Beautiful Mess) or listening to (the new Coldplay cd and Band of Horses) or my favorite movies of the summer (Prince Caspian and Mamma Mia). i actually have no idea what direction this post will take - we'll just see.


this is my favorite picture. my roommates and i went to london a couple years ago and the picture was taken while walking in hyde park on our way to buckingham palace. i remember all i wanted was coffee, but there was none to be found, so i was a little pissy. but we were walking through the park and it was just beautiful. it was november and the leaves were turning slightly, there was a slight chill in the air and everyone on the path was friendly. i felt content. the perfection of the moment made me stop to take a picture and as i did, ruth silje turned around to see where i was. perfect.
i see the picture every time i open my journal and it is a reminder that i'm not alone. someone is there, looking to see where i am. sometimes my short little legs are setting the pace, sometimes i'm content to go with the flow, but often i'm lagging a little behind - trying to take everything in. but this picture is a reminder that whatever pace i'm walking, whether i'm leading or being led - someone is there. i need that reminder often at this time in life. i'm leaving norway in september and have found that i am unable to come back to work with YWAM norway. i have given up planning forward and am enjoying the "right here, right now" of life. i'm enjoying sitting on my roof in the sun, taking walks at night, having long conversations over seemingly bottomless cups of coffee. wherever i go next is no longer up to me. and that's okay because i have proof that i'm never alone.