i don't work here anymore!

umm, just so you know, i don't blog here anymore. i blog HERE.

"you're not from around here, are you?" nearly every time i have left the house in the past two weeks, i've been asked that question. it's either because my clothes are different, my accent's different, or i just look totally lost - usually a combination of the three. life is so different here - i live in the middle of the prairie and my days are spent in the garden, picking apples, doing little odd jobs around the house. i see deer, frogs, and snakes in my backyard. i can't walk anywhere because there is nowhere to walk and i don't see one person or car from the porch of the house. i'm trying to adjust and give myself and those around me grace, but it's difficult. i don't want to be here, but i know i can't fight God - i'll lose. my heart is still very much in norway and it will probably remain that way for some time. but i'm doing my best to keep busy - trying to catch up with old friends and make new, volunteering at church. one little guy keeps me plenty busy:this is chris and he's 11. we meet every day for a couple hours and i help his with his homework. i'm brushing up on my 5th grade history and math. as you can see, it's never a dull moment with chris.
so, that's life for now. the wheel keeps turning...

less than 2 days left in norway. my mind is unable to grab hold of this thought. this place has been my home in every sense of the word these past 4 years. tomorrow i say the last goodbyes and head back to kansas. simply put, my goal these past weeks was to create memories. it started with the trip to moi, continued on to london this past weekend, and is still going strong with a goodbye party, worship together with the base, lovely dinners and coffee dates. tomorrow night i am going home with my roommate kristin, and it's off to oslo early saturday morning.
as for future plans - still undecided, but lots of travel (kansas, missouri, indiana, kentucky, oklahoma, colorado), a visit from friends from norway, and back to norway for a wedding in december. after that? we'll see.

memories abound...

this weekend i went to "kamerad og spelemann" - a music festival held at a window factory in an obscure town in the south of norway. some of my favorite bands were playing, including sufjan stevens. i saw him play in oslo a couple years ago and was moved to tears by the beauty and passion of the music and to see him again in norway was too good to be true. a drunk couple tried their best to ruin his set for me but when karen and i saw sufjan backstage after the festival, it seemed that the time of redemption had come. here's the play by play of what happened next:

me: should we ask him to sign something?
k: sure.
me: i don't even have a pen. are you sure we should do this? (panic setting in.)
k: yes. let's go!
(stand and wait for him to walk towards us. look nervously around, thinking "i'm so uncool!" sufjan begins walking and we approach)
k: hi. we were wondering if you could sign something for us (the only paper we had was the cover to someone else's cd).
s (we're friends now, so i call him "s"): sure. what am i actually signing?
k: blah, blah, blah.....
me: (i'm an idiot, i've forgotten how to speak english. for God's sake - just smile!)
(sufjan sets down his instruments, signs karen's paper, talks about norway, hiking, fishing, nervousness in playing. picks up his instruments and starts to leave!)
me: (still can't get any words to form. i am officially the dumb, silent friend! finally...) can you sign this too?
s: (looking into my eyes) sure! (signs)
me: thanks!

(end scene. beginning of mortifying regret.)

i was in london several years ago at the european premiere of leonardo dicaprio's "the aviator" and was being interviewed by E!News. they asked me my favorite "leo movie" and seriously, the only movie i could even remember was "what's eating gilbert grape." i believe they were looking for something more along the lines of "titanic," but i still stand firmly beside my decision.

all this to say... i don't think i have a future with anyone even remotely near celebrity.
sufjan, here's to a better second impression.

gasp, gulp, shock of all shocks! two posts in one week.
i had to share these pictures though.

this was the view from my bedroom window.

kristin notices the sky through the living room window.

she was a little scared.

she was okay though. but it seriously looked like the sky was falling.
i leave you with this (it might be months before i post again):

"it (practicing the presence of the kingdom) causes us to stop and listen, see, touch, taste, and feel. the kingdom is found in justice breaking in all around us, in beauty in the midst of the mess. the kingdom also calls us to be signposts along the road of life, pointing to the reality of heaven and our King. it calls us to hold a sign up among those who suffer. the kingdom shows up, and we stand in the midst of the their suffering with them and declare that they are loved." - rick mckinley

how horrible to be Christians who only love Christ, only to miss out on being passionate for Him and His kingdom here and now.

hello, blog world. it's been awhile. i lay in bed at nights, thinking of things i should write, what's happened in life, but when i wake up - i have absolutely no desire to write or share any of that. i don't think i'll bore you with details of what i've been reading (Jane Eyre and A Beautiful Mess) or listening to (the new Coldplay cd and Band of Horses) or my favorite movies of the summer (Prince Caspian and Mamma Mia). i actually have no idea what direction this post will take - we'll just see.


this is my favorite picture. my roommates and i went to london a couple years ago and the picture was taken while walking in hyde park on our way to buckingham palace. i remember all i wanted was coffee, but there was none to be found, so i was a little pissy. but we were walking through the park and it was just beautiful. it was november and the leaves were turning slightly, there was a slight chill in the air and everyone on the path was friendly. i felt content. the perfection of the moment made me stop to take a picture and as i did, ruth silje turned around to see where i was. perfect.
i see the picture every time i open my journal and it is a reminder that i'm not alone. someone is there, looking to see where i am. sometimes my short little legs are setting the pace, sometimes i'm content to go with the flow, but often i'm lagging a little behind - trying to take everything in. but this picture is a reminder that whatever pace i'm walking, whether i'm leading or being led - someone is there. i need that reminder often at this time in life. i'm leaving norway in september and have found that i am unable to come back to work with YWAM norway. i have given up planning forward and am enjoying the "right here, right now" of life. i'm enjoying sitting on my roof in the sun, taking walks at night, having long conversations over seemingly bottomless cups of coffee. wherever i go next is no longer up to me. and that's okay because i have proof that i'm never alone.

i think i threw up a little in my mouth...

i'm taking a vacation...from my problems. (any bill murray lovers?) "work" is over, although i've been in office every day. i'm taking over a friend's apartment while she is in greece and i spend my days (when i'm not in the office) making good food, sitting at cafes, reading, and watching cable. i seriously do feel like i'm on vacation - a cold, wet vacation, but a vacation nonetheless.

i am leaving norway in september and am throwing the best going away party for myself... in LONDON!!! there are 4 of us signed up and there's still room for more! i'm accepting the idea of living in the states and am immersing myself into the culture by reading every old copy of "People" magazine i can find. hopefully there will be more to life than what i'm finding in those pages.

until that time, i'll be enjoying myself where i am.

(sidenote: i have officially crossed the threshold of adulthood. i attended a tupperware party, enjoyed myself, and even bought something! if that doesn't scream "modern, independant woman!" i don't know what does. my first tupperware party was at the age of 5 - i was visiting my older, fully reliable cousins and they gently - ie: threatened my life - pursuaded me to walk into the living room full of middle aged women who were chatting, ordering long lasting tupperware, and enjoying themselves and promptly moon them. i did it, my face beaming, knowing i had pleased my cousins. the joy lasted until my mom showed up.)

a small glimpse into the language of my life these past months...

the end of an era - ruthie is married!

the cutest little norwegian girl i know

life has thrown major curves these past weeks and i'm finding my way again. i was told i received a visa, but when i went to pick it up, immigration informed me that it was only an extra 6 weeks. i will leave norway in september. it's still shocking to write that and i feel i'm living in a dream. not a fun dream - mind you, but a dream where i can't wake up and rejoin reality. it's incredible the reserves God gives us though. He really has His hand on this and although i have no idea and no control over the next stage, i know i can trust.

dts is graduating tonight, i'm traveling to the west coast this weekend, and next week it's back to work with teaching and debriefing. only 2 more weeks until vacation! i am beyond ready!

we were young and innocent

travel in thailand

thailand. what a trip. i spent many days traveling, met interesting people, had new experiences, enjoyed the sun, dressed as a thai in a thai new year parade, spent time with the team, and simply enjoyed myself.

deportation

the crazy americans

it's a bird, it's a plane... no, it's bocci ball!

a good family friend, annette, and i in oslo

i've been deported.

no, i haven't! life has been crazy, busy these past weeks so writing has been pushed far down the list of "what's important." i'm to the point where the whole visa issue isn't a concern, so i can even joke about deportation! or not.

the students have all left for outreach (links to their blogs are on the right hand side) and i have been busy preparing to teach about outreach prep. more and more i'm loving to preach and teach - i get such a kick from it. a team from the states has also been here - helping renovate the third floor of the base. in three days they did what would have taken us weeks. my mom also joined them and it was so good to spend time with her. in the past, when family or friends have visited me, it's always been during a holiday, so they haven't really been able to get a full taste of my life. but this time my mom lived at the base, sat in on teaching, ate at the base, got to know some of the students and staff. it was such an encouragement for me.
erika, helina, and i spent easter together. in norway, easter is much more celebrated than what i remember in the states. the stores shut down thursday - monday during easter and most people have an entire week of holiday - skiing, eating oranges and kvikk lunsj (much better version of kitkat), and sitting around fires. since i can't ski and it snowed more than a foot, i celebrated by baking lots and watching movies.

and the newest news... i'm going to THAILAND in april. yay for outreach teams!

happiness

on tuesday nights i babysit sit for ludvig evan, who might just be the happiest baby in norway.

life has been pretty normal these past weeks. i've applied for a new visa, which will be processed in 4-7 months. for the first time in my life, i literally have no control over what is happening. some days i feel like all my energy goes into giving up, taking back, and giving back the control to God again. i feel like this big word TRUST is permantly etched into my brain and is working its way into my heart.

"Take away everything i have, but do not take away the sweetness of walking and talking with the King of Glory." John Stam

jeg er i sveitz! i've been here this past week for a ywam conference. the provost of the university of the nations is here and wisdom just flows. i've taken classes on death and grief counseling by john bills and sarah lanier and equipping staff and students with intercultural skills, also by sarah. she wrote "foreign to familar," which is a best seller.

i came with ragnhild and marianne and we're in awe of the years of experience we are blessed to listen to. the base here in burtigny is in a valley of the alps and in the middle of nowhere. they milk the cows in the morning and even grow their own potatoes. there are acres and acres of fields to walk, which is pretty much the only thing to do around here. i guess the best word to describe this place is idyllic. when i look out the window in the morning, i feel that i'm looking at the landscape of "pride and prejudice."

God spoke to me very clearly this week about the need to find a confidant and that i also just need to trust Him. He also brought to mind these Scriptures:

Psalm 20:7 Some boast in chariots and some in horses, But we will boast in the name of the LORD, our God.
Psalm 33:17 A horse is a false hope for victory; Nor does it deliver anyone by its great strength.

And i'm wondering in which horses have i been boasting in and trusting. the base, people, positions, future plans, and many more, i know. i have to boast and trust in the Lord. otherwise, i lose my identity, my trust, my hope. it's pretty heavy, but i know the One in which i can rest secure.

changes!

an exciting weekend! not only did i watch 6 episodes of season 2 of "prison break," i also got a new haircut and we had a fireplace installed in our apartment. gone are the $200 electricity bills! and now i am the proud owner of pannelugg/bangs! without further ado...



ikke verst, eh?

i went to oslo last weekend with erika to visit my good friends, kjersti and karen amalie. it's so nice to just step away from the every day life occasionally. we shopped, went to cafes, took walks in the city, went to a ywam oslo gathering, and even spent an hour or so browsing cds on sunday afternoon. i highly recommend rufus wainwright, jens lekman, beirut, and band of horses. they've been on my ipod all week.
ken helser taught at the dts this week and as i sat in on the teaching, i had such a sense of thankfulness for who God is and what He does in our lives, often without us even noticing. i really want to be aware of how He's moving and move right along with Him.
and... i went to the police station to see about my visa and will now apply as a skilled worker. there's a lot of paperwork involved and much clarifying to be done about what i'm doing here, but i have peace about it. and after 3 years i can apply for a settlement permit, which allows me to stay here as long as i want! now i just have wait and pray.

blinding desperation

the new year. i have to say that perhaps santa didn't read my blog because he didn't send any of the things i wished. oh well. guess i'll be better next year and will have to settle for "seven swans" until then.

just got back from the ywam norway worker's gathering. this year was a bit special. my family was here for christmas and i was worn out in every way after new years. but i was looking forward to the gathering (a first for me) - a sign that life was returning to normal. usually being around 400 people i don't know isn't my idea of fun, but i had such a good time seeing former students and friends. but i also realized the first night there i was empty. absolutely nothing left. and when that happens, i can't help but wonder why i can't stop it from happening. because it does happen. so, i just wanted Jesus to show up. and i think he did, but by the end of the weekend i had this blinding desperation. as i was saying goodbyes, i realized that this might have been the last time i would be at a ywam norway gathering and the feeling was overwhelming. this is my home and for the first time i have realized that i could live here for the rest of my life - and be totally okay with that. but, there's a chance that i will have to leave after july. and it just makes me sad. everything familiar is here. as i was crying in the van on the way home (i longingly remember the days when the tear ducts didn't work), i realized just how all this happens - this emptiness, this blinding desperation. if i take my eyes off of jesus for just a second, life and all it entails calls for desperation. because i just can't function with giving him parts of me. do i trust that he can make a way for me to be here? do i trust that i will one day find that perfect role? do i trust him more than i trust those i see? do i trust that he will make my relationships work? i so want to be grounded in him, be like that unwavering man of God in psalms 1 that is planted by streams of water, who yields fruit, whose leaf does not wither, and prospers in all. so, the question is - how do i do that? well, that person's delight is in the law of the Lord, on which he meditates. i can't believe that i am a Bible teacher and still can't remember that.
enough of blinding desperation for life to work itself out. i don't have time for that. if i'm going to be desperate, it's going to have to be for Him.

christmas wish list 2007:

non-realistic wishes:
sufjan stevens (the man, not the music)
a bigger apartment
a cleaner apartment
around the world travel ticket

semi-realistic wishes:
sufjan stevens (have to keep the hopes up)
extended norwegian visa
ability to speak norwegian
stress free holidays
for my christmas tree to live
full-time kitchen worker

realistic wishes:
yet again, sufjan stevens
joni mitchell cd
bird by bird by anne lamott
ugg boots
season 7 gilmore girls
season 2 prison break
anti-wrinkle eye cream
vintage material

(what are your wishes?)
merry christmas!

christmas is here. erika from america, helina from estonia, and me - little american lyndee, went in search for a christmas tree on saturday. and we found it! helina made a great slide show of it and soon i'll post a picture of the final product. we "trimmed the tree," ate pepperkaker (gingerbread cookies), christmas bread, and made homemade hot cider. an enjoyable day.

i'm baaack (again)

adventures in scotland.

little happenings, lots of joy

hmm... which one of these doesn't belong?

istanbul

i'm sitting in the office - getting ready for an open meeting with tjebbo. he was a teacher on my dts and is one of the reasons i decided to stay in norway. right outside of the office is the walking street, cafes, and the mall. they have set up a big stage and are showing a football (soccer) game live, right outside. our hometown team (which sucks, by the way) is playing an important game, so the entire town has come. too bad it's right outside where we are going to have our meeting. it will be a long night.
i've been in ethiopia and turkey the past week. what a trip. kristin and i went to visit missionaries sent out from ywam skien. we ate cheap food, laid in the sun, wore funny missionary clothes, talked with lots of people, i cried, met with old friends. i think it's so easy to lose focus about why i am here, why i do what i do. i met with many people who have given up almost everything to be on the mission field. what have i given up? i live in one of the richest countries in the world, voted #1 place to live, and i have everything i need and much more. i don't have to worry about unclean water or even having water. i have heat in my house. i have friends and people like me because i am a christian. i forget all that sometimes. i saw reality in africa, if even for a week - child labor, abuse, lack of food, and poverty. i am doing this - mission work - because there are people who need to know. i might live in a wealthy country, but i have a responsibility not to train people just to become youth pastors or good church members (no offense to anyone who is one of these). if i don't see people with a passion for giving everything for God, i'm pretty sure i've failed. so much to be done.

on a lighter note, i'm so happy for this week! lise and elise are here - 2 of my students from last year who are both very good friends. i'm so excited to spend time with them. they make my heart glad. and... next week i go to scotland (and it's christmas time at starbucks!)!